Thursday, January 17, 2008

Grandpop got a new eye, and it only cost $2,300.

Grandpop has been more than off his rocker lately- he's broken the rocker and he can't sit in it any more. And, he can't find another place to sit. In other words, Grandpop is REALLY crazy.

Grandmom sends Grandpop out to the garage to get a jar of spaghetti sauce and five minutes later he comes back with a can of tuna. She sends him back out, telling him again, "A JAR OF SPAGHETTI SAUCE, IT'S RED, IN A JAR!" Another five minutes pass, and this time, he brings her an empty beer can. Crazy that he can't remember what someone told him 7 seconds ago.

Grandmom gives Grandpop a basket of laundry to fold, since it keeps him busy for at least 30 minutes, so she can play bridge in peace on the computer. He kept asking her where everything goes and she told him to just put it in a pile and she'll look at it later. "Peggy," he says, "I need you to look at these pants with the built in bra."

Today, Grandmom was talking about the annoying beeping sounds that commercial trucks make when they back up. Grandpop jumps in and asks, "Does that mean that they come and give you a present?" (He commonly asks completely nonsensical questions.)

Grandmom was flipping through the channels the other day and ended up on Seinfeld when Grandpop asks, "Who is this man?"
"Seinfeld," Grandmom tells him.
"Felix Conzo?" Grandpop asks.
"No George, I said Seinfeld. And how the hell did you get Felix Conzo out of that?"

The other day when I was trying to get the last bit of mustard out of the mustard bottle Grandpop told me, "You're gonna break that knife. you better get yourself a toothbrush to get that out."
I replied with, "Well I don't want to break my toothbrush now do I?"

At dinner we were eating boneless skinless chicken breasts and Grandpop kept complaining about all of the bones he was biting into, even after we told him there weren't any bones in it. Then he asked what the tortellini was, so we told him.
He replied with what was seemingly funny to him: "Shortelinni? How about LONG-elinni?"

Around Christmas, when Lief and Marguerite were visiting, we noticed some Jehovah's Witnesses walking around the neighborhood. Grandpop asked about their intentions/purpose. Of course any sort of interaction between Grandpop and Marguerite is bound to be interesting and their exchange went like this:
Marguerite: They come selling Jesus in your home.
Grandpop: Well tell 'em he's already been here!

When Grandpop was served his eggs one recent morning he went about slicing one square inch of butter and promptly placing the entire cube on his eggs.

Heard from the hallway: "Peggy, where should I put this advertisement for urinary control? I don't need it now, but I might in the future."

I was vacuuming the other day and Grandpop comes up to me and says,
"I was wondering what that noise was. What are you doing?"
"I'm vacuuming," I say, because it wasn't obvious enough when he saw the fucking vacuum I was using.

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